different sex drives between couple

[phoenixcoupl]

What are your experiences with partners with different sex drives. We have been together 10 years and I still want a sex life. I want a sex life like we had when we were a new couple. In fact, I'm at the point I want a sex life with or without my partner........

[flagfag]

My partner and I have been together 27 years and our sex lives have gone in totally different directions. I work nights, him days. We kind of have sex hit or miss. We both take care of the situation at "hand" and of each other as well.

[TampaBayFF]

Good Morning Phoenixcoupl!

I'm in exactly the same situation as you. My partner and I have been together approaching 12 years and, truth be told, rarely have sex anymore. I could runt every week - but his interest level just isn't there anymore.
Despite this, I consider our relationship to be sound and good and I have no intention of calling it quits because of an imperfect sex life. There are so many aspects of our relationship that are working RIGHT - and I'm willing to take the good with the bad in order to work at making the relationship last.
We both joke that we're getting too old ( we're 54 and 53) to 'train in anyone new' at this stage in life, but in fact - we do care for each other and want to stay together.

This is the crux of the situation for you too. Do you genuinely love the man?
If so, you MUST talk this out and find a mutually agreeable remedy. If necessary, go to a gay friendly therapist or counselor.
For me, these same discussions with my partner have resulted in my ability to 'play' outside the relationship on ocassion to scratch that itch. There are mutually agreed upon rules and boundries regarding this play and it generally works.
I don't suggest this is for everyone - but it CAN work. It takes alot of talking and trust.
I'd be happy to take this further and personally discuss with you outside this forum if you think it would help you.

:-)
JeFF

[pa2n8]

WELL AFTER 22 YRS MY PARTNER & I HAVE LITTLE SEX. pROBLEM BEING WE HAVE GROWN IN DIFFERENT SEXUAL DIRECTIONS. lOVE EACH OTHER , BEST PALS, BUT SEX IS DEAD. nOW ALSO THINK OF SCRATCHING THE ITCH OUTSIDE THE RELATIONSHIP. HIM FOR YOUNGER VANILA GUYS , WHILE FOR ME MATURE WILD GUYS. cAN WE KEEP THE RELATIONSHIP GOING OR IS IT DOOMED. Tj

[reggnright]

My partner and I have been together 24 years and there is a 10 year different in the age, my partner is the younger. Their has always been a difference in sex drive, our relationship has had its ups and downs and we have no intention of calling it quits. We tried everything and every toy until we agreed upon fisting It took alot of talking and trust, you must be willing to take the good with the bad in order to work at making the relationship last if you genuinely love the man.

[cubhole8]

Interesting to see this topic come up. I'm in same situation, been with my man now 10 years. I really do love him and we are good together, sexually we are a bit of a mismatch. Although he is a top and me a total bottom, he prefers quite tame sex...when we actually do it. I'd be into any more kinky things, fisting, watersports, leather, even like to try sounding etc. I have a stash of toys (getting nice and big I'm happy to say), but he just isn't into them either. :(

We have talked about opening the relationship a bit, but haven't really moved on it as one of the rules is no anal sex. Being a total bottom, this is a bit hard.

[phoenixcoupl]

Thanks everyone. I love him and don't want to leave him either, but I need a sex life. Scratching that itch, as you say, may be the answer. Maybe its time for that conversation ........... again.

[rodfist]

Guy I've known for 8 years (and who lived with me for two and half years) is in the same situation. He's seriously into subbing for fetish /bondage /being worked. (Which I did to him) whereas his new partener operates in another world for sex and cannot relate to his needs at all. The situation is that he wants to develop a serious relationship with this guy, but the sex side of things is a total mismatch. It is developing into the "Elephant in the room". He's now coming round to the idea of having sessions with me again for the sex, but it's proving to be an issue with his conscience because he does want to partner this guy. The odd thing about this is that when we lived together he was the one who was totally against my operating in an open relationship though I always made it clear I was seeing other guys. (I'm very much versatile and he's a total sub). There are no easy answers. It's amongst the choices of (1) an open relationship; (2) secret meetings which eventually will blow-up; (3) decide that the good things about the relationship far outway the sexual frustration; (4)take the vows and join a monastary....... If the open relationship is not an option then life isn't going to be simple. Or does all this sound like waffle ??? And by the way, I've not encouraged him to think about sessions with me again. But from talking with him I do know it's becoming a bigger and bigger urge. And I've never met his new partner nor will I ever do because we don't live in the same part of the country. But the mismatch on sex is definately becoming an issue.